Perfectionism Used to Run the Show. Not Anymore.

It's been a hot minute.

It's because I've been having so much fun!

Ocean swims at sunrise, morning coffees / cacao in the park, soul-nourishing winter soups, social catch ups and a training rhythm that’s more about joy and longevity than punishment and perfection. And biiiiitch I feel good!

But more than that...

I've been back in the studio producing music again.

I call it a studio but it's really not as glamorous as that quite just yet, it's a laptop, a set of speakers, headphones and a MIDI controller. Back to basics. And I love that.

Which is one of the major reasons why I'm writing again today. I've just finished working on a new track and I feel like I'm finally allowing myself space to write again. It's not that writing was off the cards, but more that I needed to reconnect to this creative expression of music again and focus on that for a while.

Because the truth is? After writing my blog series "The Four Paths", I felt moved. Called. Invited. The words I wrote for others also held reminders for me.

It was a loving nudge to do even more of the things I love so much. To expand beyond just this one channel of expression through words, and reconnect back into making music again.

Truth is, I was a little apprehensive, because the last time I really focused on music production, I was in a very different headspace. Perfectionism was in the drivers seat, and their friend self-doubt was riding shot gun. I was in the back being led by the incessant, rampant thoughts of needing to get it right and a body that was riddled with fear.

That was 7 years ago, and if you haven't already read much of my story, that was also the time that I was hitting the peak of my weekend benders, whilst battling addiction, daily panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Trying to create music from that state... ? Yeah. Like, not that fun or effective.

Naturally, much of what I learned about music production almost a decade ago was a little rusty. I needed some time to refocus and refine my skills, so I jumped back into a half-finished course and continued from where I left off. I had actually completed some of the modules before, but when I sat down to actually apply what I’d learned, I realised that I wasn't all that confident with it yet. So I circled back, gave myself the time, and did it again. This time with fresh ears and a much gentler mindset.

This approach felt gruelling at times and exciting in others. But the process was made much easier by a conversation with a huge international Australian artist. This catch up came about in the most surprising of ways- through my old man! (Thanks Dad!) I’m not going to name drop, because honestly, I don’t feel the need. But let’s just say… he’s played Coachella. So OK, I'm kinda dropping. 😂 But let's just say the man knows his craft.

Our chat over lunch wasn’t some big career-defining moment. But it was a catalyst for where I’m at now.

We spoke about our respective life journeys, spiritual awakenings, and music—duh! It was beautiful, honest, and real. And in the middle of all that, he said something I’ve heard a dozen times before, in a dozen different ways, but this time, it hit different.

“Bro, you’ve just gotta be shit for a while.”

Simple. Direct. No fluff. And exactly what I needed to hear.

Not because the message was new (it wasn’t!) but because I’d finally created enough space within myself to receive it. That one sentence slid into place like a long-lost puzzle piece. You know that moment, that puzzle piece you know fits somewhere but you can't place it until you've built out enough of the rest.

This was that moment.

And it made me realise something: Wisdom is easy to come by. But integration? That’s where the work is.

Telling a perfectionist not to worry about being perfect sounds great, but it rarely sticks because it’s going up against a whole inner world of beliefs, habits, and neural pathways that say otherwise.

It’s the same with everything else in life.

Trying telling a sad person to just be happy. Or an alcoholic to stop drinking. Or telling someone to put their phone down. Or an overweight person to go for a walk and stop eating junk food...

It’s not wrong advice, it just can't be fully placed yet.

Sometimes we all need to build out other parts of our own lives before we're able to battle our biggest challenges. This isn't about force, (although the majority of the world seems embedded in this being the only way!) it's about flow. It's about doing some weeding, pulling out the shaky foundations and rebuilding from the ground up. That's what I did. This is much more than a new mental state. It's my nervous system that now feels safe enough to proceed. Because these words didn't truly land before. They bounced off like a well-meaning motivational quote on a bad day.

But when the timing is right?

Even the simplest truth can become a turning point. Which is why I share these stories and the lessons I've learned. Because I’ve been on the receiving end of words that changed everything, and I know how quietly that can happen.

And your journey, your awakening, your becoming...? Won't be a loud and proud moment. It won't be a insta-worthy glow up with a perfectly curated caption and a picture filtered within an inch of its life. No, the shake-up happens in the stillness. In the silence. In those alone moments where it's just you and your mind and how you feel. That's where the waking up happens. That's when the decisions to choose a new pathway and follow a new approach to life is made. That's largely why I share in the way I do.

Because growth and transformation isn’t always a monumental breakthrough. Sometimes it’s just you, sitting in your hoodie, overthinking everything, trying not to self-sabotage for once. That’s the work. That’s the shift. Letting the journey being messy and doing it anyway.

Speaking again from my own personal experience, I can honestly share that this journey away from perfectionism isn't comfortable. It's a process of moving forward without feeling super happy about it. In this case, it's me putting my new track up online, even though I'm not 100% happy with it. It's not perfect. Is it good? Yes. Is it better than what I've produced before? Yes. Do I like it? Kind of. Could I spend another 50 hours tweaking and changing aspects to get it perfect? Maybe. But the amount of improvement I'd make with so much time invested would be minimal. Hardly noticeable. And it wouldn't be enjoyable.

So I'm choosing to spend that time making more music and applying what I've learned on a new project. And that also means putting this track up online. Equal parts excitement and fear. The truth is, I don't really want to do it. But I'm doing it anyway because it means another piece of the perfectionism in me is released.

I guess that's the real secret behind good advice. It's not going to feel good, at least initially. But it will make a difference to the big picture.

So I'm choosing that.

And actually enjoying the process and what I get to do each day.

That in itself is the blessing. And being able to look back on my life and see just how far I've come and truly love the man staring back at me in the mirror

That's the win.

The rest is just playtime.

Excuse me while I do some more of that! 😉
Adam xx