I Spent 7 Years On My PLAN B… And My PLAN A Was Waiting the Whole Time

I have a confession.

The words I have written for others this year, were also written for me. As it turns out, there was even more to explore when it comes to my own life and living on purpose.

Why am I sharing this?

Because finding purpose in life, and then of course aligning action steps to that, isn't a one stop shop. It's not something that we find once, and never explore again. On the contrary, it's a constant re-imagination, a fine tuning if you will, much like finding the right frequency to listen to a radio station in your car.

This blog explores what my blog posts this year helped me see, and what I did about it.

THE BIG PICTURE

So... No, I haven't been writing all that much of late. That was a concsious decision I made just after my birthday in August this year.

My birthday is always a time that I use to reflect on my life including: celebrating what I've achieved, who I've become, what I've successfully let go of, and of course, whether I'm heading in the 'right' direction.

I use the term 'right' direction loosely here, because I don't believe in a firm wrong or right, rather, just a... "Is this the path that I really want to explore?"

So upon this reflection, I zoomed out from my life and looked at the big picture. Not from a point of view of what I've achieved, but rather... How happy am I? To my surprise, I found that my happiness (although was still pretty good overall!) wasn't as good as I thought it to be! Let me let you in on a bit of a back story.

BACK STORY

It's no secret that I have found two areas that I absolutely love:

1. Supporting Others: Writing / Sharing Wisdom / Mentoring / Workshops

2. Electronic Music: DJing / Production / Events

During this reflection time, I realized that I had been spending most of my time in supporting others, writing, sharing etc. and only a small amount of time focus on electronic music.

The balance was way off. More than that, I realized that I had allowed music to still remain on the back burner since walking away from it in 2018.

I walked away from electronic music not because I didn't want to do it anymore, but because I was drinking more than I would like, and taking way too many drugs. To the point that (almost!) every week consisted of four days of recovery and three days of partying! My head was a fucking mess, I was having panic attacks most days and constantly navigating in and out of depression. I wasn't making the progress that I would like in music, and certainly not at a speed that felt even remotely good. My self-doubt was at an all time high, I couldn't focus for long periods, I was a chronic perfectionist and I was actually scared of sharing myself (and my music!) with the world!

So, after a few big wake up call moments, I took my big dreams of a successful career in electronic music and put it aside to get myself and my head right.

I spent the next 7 years doing that. It was a roller-coaster like journey, and to be honest, I didn't know if I would ever end up back in the music world again. But, I knew I couldn't keep going on like I was, so I did all the deep inner work required to get myself into a great space.

And you know what? I did a fucking amazing job. I explored trauma from my past, the relationship with myself, mental health & addiction, to name but a few. And it allowed me to feel fucking great about myself and my life, and honestly, at peace with who I am and where I am at this stage of my life.

But even after I allowed myself to reconnect with music some 18 months ago, I (unconsciously) still had music on the back burner and supporting others through mentoring, writing etc. was priority.

But here's the thing to know about me, electronic music was always the main thing. In 2018 I did some damage control and made it my plan B for 7+ years, and over the last 18 months since I returned to music, I had still been treating it that way.

But this reflection led me to a confronting truth: my soul was calling me forward to focus on this again. To make electronic music my PLAN A once again.

Now, back in the day, my thoughts would have been along the lines of...

"What if it doesn't work out?"
"What if you don't make it?"
"It's hard to be successful in electronic music."

Now? HAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG my thoughts don't even come close to that.

Here's my train of thought now.

"Like, how could it NOT work out? With this level of dedication, enthusiasm and joy that I have every single day? With this level of focus and commitment to being the best for myself? Even if it doesn't "work out" in what society would deem as success, I will have spent each day of my life doing what I absolutely fucking loved and actually given it a shot. Life will have been a journey in giving it a fucking go, and truly committing to creating the life that I love. But deep down? I know that the only guarantee of success doing what I love can come from doing what I love. I have zero chance of this being a possibility if I don't dive in. So, let's fucking PLAY!"

Here's the thing. As much as I love supporting others, I don't want to waste my life by only helping others and not putting myself as a priority. The truth is, I had converted my PLAN A into my PLAN B years ago for safety.

And that safety net is no longer required!

So it was time to re-engage with music.

And within two weeks of this decision I finished a remix that was the best quality I've done so far. Was it perfect? Fuck no! Do I care? No. Am I so incredibly happy with what I've done? OMG YES!

I fucking love how far I've come. (e.g. it would take me anywhere between 6-8 weeks to finish a track previously!)

I love who I am and how I get to spend my days, and I celebrate the fuck out my journey through life, as well as what I've achieved. At this moment, the achievements reflect more on a personal journey than a professional one. But the foundation now is solid.

So I'm back in the studio as a primary focus. Supporting others and sharing wisdom to compliment that. Maybe that will swing back the other way at some point, maybe the two will coincide, maybe something else will come into my life that I want to explore.

But as it stands now, I really do love both. Both need to co-exist, yet in this moment, I am super excited about electronic music taking the front seat again.

REFLECTION

This blog post wouldn't be just the same without some reflections for you, so let's dive in!

OK, so my questions for you are:
(Read these first and then close your eyes and really go deep here, or journal on them for a serious deep dive!)

Are you happy?

Do you feel the way you want to feel about yourself and your life?

Can you say with absolute 100% certainty that what you get to do each day is literally your most favourite thing in the world, so much so that if today was your last day, you would look back on your life and know that you were pursuing things that truly lit you up from the inside out?

If the answer is no (and let's take money out of the equation for a moment), what would you choose to do every day of your life?

Let this be a reminder: you can make obscene amounts of money doing whatever you want. There are no shortage of people to showcase this. However, maybe, like me, you've shrunken yourself to fit into the safe game, perhaps into your PLAN B, meanwhile your PLAN A, (aka your deepest dreams and desires!) have taken a backseat.

You've likely chosen security and safety over your dreams. There's no shame in that, and you're certainly not alone. I get it, I've lived it. That's why it was so important for me to share this with an open heart.

But what are you doing about it? How many more years of your life are you willing to sacrifice yourself by focusing primarily on a safe and secure career rather than on pursuing what you truly love?

No, there is no guarantee in success when you follow your heart.

But do you know what is guaranteed if don't follow your heart? A life full of temporary glimpses of happiness. A life full of stuff that you depend on to make you happy, all because you're spending 40+ hours a week doing something that you don't really want to be doing.

A life that one day you'll look back on and wonder...

"What if I really had the courage to take the first step and follow my dreams?"

That, my friends. That's what all these words are really all about.

Choosing you. FULLY. Yes, your safe and secure job (aka your PLAN B) just might help you fund your PLAN A. That's OK too.

But, as a friend, I implore you.

• Don't sleep on your dreams.

• Don't box them away and choose second best.

• Be courageous. Go for it.

• Remember your PLAN A and go do something about it!

And let life light you up again from the inside out.

I love you.
Adam xx