The Real Reason You’re Restless, Anxious, and Quietly Falling Apart

Surely you should be happy by now... Or at least happy-er. Right?

So why do you still feel the way you feel?
Why is your head a mess and anxiety more the norm, not the exception?
Why do you drink more than you'd like, even though deep down you'd love to drink less?
Why can’t you relax? Why do you ruminate on the past?
Why, after everything you’ve done and achieved, does it still not feel like enough?
And real talk— why do you still feel like you’re not enough?

The answer is simple. But integrating the truth it points to? That’s the real work.

You’re not happy because you’re operating with an ineffective approach to life.

In this blog, I'll show you exactly what that ineffective approach looks like, and the very simple shift you can make to finally quieten your mind, lift your mood, and feel at peace.

The Hustle Lie

Most of society sacrifices happiness in the pursuit of happiness. Crazy huh?

They push themselves and do too much of the “wrong thing”, and they don’t carve out the right kind of time for themselves. And even when they do take time off? They can’t sit still without a drink, a coffee, a phone, a TV series, essentially something to do. Busy is celebrated. Rest? Not so much.

And look, there’s nothing wrong with having a full schedule or chasing goals. A solid to-do list? Big yes. Discipline? Yes again.

But here's the kicker: You’re unhappy because you’re sacrificing yourself and/or the journey for a goal which you believe will make you happy, but you're not madly in love with the process or who you've become.

The “I’ll Be Happy When...” Trap

“I’ll be happy when I earn a million dollars.”
“I’ll be happy when I lose 20kg.”
“I’ll be happy when I find love.”

If money, body image, or relationships were the key to happiness, wouldn’t the richest, fittest, most ‘loved-up’ people be the happiest? Come on now, take a look around. Clearly it's not the case.

Underneath these achievements, so many are still battling the symptoms of an ineffective life strategy: addiction, anxiety, depression, racing thoughts, emotional chaos. It's not seen in this world, because it's often covered up behind the veil of success.

Because here’s the truth: Nothing will make you happy until you’re happy with who the fuck you actually are.

And that involves you doing what you actually want to do in this world. And doing it in a way that feels good for you. Achieving goals will give you a temporary high. Fuck yes to that. But if you’re reliant on them for validation, self-worth or to sustain a lifestyle that's propping up your happiness? It’s a never-ending loop. The minute you reach one goal, you need another.

And if you don’t address the deeper stuff? You’ll find yourself self-soothing in secret: drinking, vaping, scrolling, one night stands, or chasing the next big thing, just to keep it all together. To give the illusion that you're happier than you actually are.

Let’s play this out:

The High-Income Hustler

They’re killing it at work, investing like a boss, planning for early retirement. Sounds great, right? But if they’re miserable now, grinding through each week, hoping freedom later will bring joy... it won’t. Retiring early doesn’t fix an internal emptiness— it only amplifies it. And the years being sacrificed to one day be happy? Doesn't make sense, does it? Having more time and money to do whatever you want will only bring to the surface the alarming truth that you don't know what you actually want to do with your life. The people who win at life don't officially retire, because no person who has found something they love doing would ever want to stop.

If you think that's BS, then think about meeting the love of your life and then walking away at 65 or earlier. Crazy right? Yep, retirement only makes sense for people who are not in complete alignment with what they love to do, or with people who are doing it in a way that doesn't feel good. (More on that later).

The Fit-but-Frantic Gym Addict

There are those who are ripped, disciplined and getting all the likes on Social Media. But they don't like the process, not fully. They panic if they miss a day. Their body looks strong, but their mind is fragile, and they are constantly chasing control and approval. They're on the edge of a mental breakdown because they don't actually love who they are. The body is just a facade to protect how they really feel inside.

This isn't true for all people who have a fantastic body, and I'm not throwing shade here either. However, if you, or perhaps someone you know, experiences anxiety, or can't sit still, or finds themselves in low moods a little too frequently, or perhaps drinks more than they would like, or finds themselves on a binge-guilt-exercise cycle and uses exercise and external validation as a tool to feel good... This example will likely hold some truth.

The Love-Seeker

There are those who have mastered the external checklist: career, body, hobbies, witty conversation. But deep down, they don’t know who they are because they've spent so much time building a version of themselves that they deem as acceptable to the outside world. But it's not who they really are. They're disconnected from themselves, so vulnerability feels unsafe, thus any relationships stay surface-level, or fall apart. They’re craving love, but they they don’t feel worthy of being loved, so they subconsciously push it away.


SIDE NOTE: Yes, there is much to be said about traumatic past experiences that shape how we view ourselves, relationships and how we behave, but the simple fact remains... If you're unhappy with what you're doing and how you're doing it, achieving an end result will only ever provide temporary glimpses of peace, satisfaction, achievement and happiness. And it will be back to the chase.

Also, a reminder that none of this is wrong. It’s just ineffective... if what you want is happiness, peace, and a calm mind. So with that said... let's explore the ineffective approach.

The Old Formula is Broken

You’ve been taught:

1. Set a goal

2. Identify the steps

3. Work hard

4. Achieve it

5. Celebrate

6. Repeat

Not terrible advice, but it is the long road to a short-lived feeling. It doesn’t give you lasting happiness or peace of mind. It's a chase for more, and that is a deeply unsettling feeling, and a mind that can never experience peace, unless it's comes through in the form of a drink, a drug, a distraction, another work project, a high-speed adventure...

So what's the new approach?

Flip the Script: Put Happiness First

Here’s the shift:

Instead of leading your life with the question "What do I want?" and then figuring out the steps you need or should to take in order to achieve it, start by asking:

What do I want to do?
And then ask...
How do I want to do it?

Because when what you do and how you do it is legitimately your most favourite thing in the world? You won't need to chase a goal. You won't become dependent on any range of coping mechanisms to feel better (e.g. fast food, drugs, alcohol, meaningless sexual conquests). Sure, you can enjoy those things. But when life itself is joyous? You won’t need to chase the next high of hitting the next goal. Because you will feel at peace, happy. Your mind can slow down. You won't be worried about what you did or where you're going because you'll feel like you're on the exact right path. You'll deep down know you're exactly where you need to be.

Let's look at some examples.

CAREER
Say you love snowboarding, but currently you're not snowboarding as much as you would like, and yet the career you're in brings you the money you want, but is not what you really want to be doing each and every single day. Why not start a side project that's actually in line with what you love?

And what is that exactly? Do you want to ride professionally? Teach people how to snowboard? Film? Create a clothing brand? Maybe you just want to renovate houses in the mountains and live there so you can snowboard every day? What do you want to do and how do you want to do it?


HEALTH/FITNESS
Say you're wanting to get fit, healthy and lose weight, but every gym routine feels like a fucking boring uphill battle. No matter how hard you try, you keep coming back to feeling the same way and you put back on all the weight you worked hard to lose.

What activities will have you moving your body in a way that feels good for you? Want to put on music and just dance at home for 30 minutes a day? Want to join (or start) a walking club? Want to get back into (insert chosen childhood activity of your choice) but just haven't pulled the trigger? What do you want to do and how do you want to do it? The truth is, you can get fit and lose weight in any number of ways. You've just gotta find the way that feels good for you, at least initially. It will likely evolve and change. That's a good thing, that's how your meant to move through life. But just find something that feels exciting and start there, I promise you it will get easier.


LOVE
When it comes to finding love, it's less about finding someone and more about finding yourself. What do you want to do and how do you want to do it? I guarantee that you when you start living your life in a way that feels joyous for you, when you start aligning your work, your health, your life with joy in each moment rather than the pursuit of it, (this is a major part of you finding yourself) you'll find people drawn to you with ease. You won't have to look for love or a potential partner. Love will find you. They will find you. Or perhaps more truthfully, you'll find each other. You'll naturally put yourself in places that light you up and you will seemingly 'find' someone.

Love is an energy. It's a vibration. You can't work hard to achieve it, it goes against everything that love is. You can put the highlight reel of your life on display through any number of apps in the hope of finding someone, but if you don't love yourself and your life, you'll subconsciously push away any person that gets close to you because you'll deem yourself as "unloveable", or not good enough, yet. (That's all bullshit, by the way).

When what you do in life feels joyous, (not just the outcome!) your nervous system settles. You settle. Your thoughts quiet down. You stop reaching for things to escape your own life and start wanting to be more in it. The person you become is someone you love, not someone you're pretending to be in order to get love.

The Bottom Line

You don’t need to give up your goals. But if you’re sacrificing yourself to get there, it will never be enough.

There's no amount of money, fame, success or power that can make you happy if you're not happy with the process and you've become.

The simple approach to a quiet mind and lasting happiness is to put joy first. Start with how you want to live, move, create, love. Find what you want to do and how you want to do it and then set your goals in alignment to that. That's when you'll actually allow yourself to rest. Because you won't be chasing, searching.

You'll already know. You'll feel alive, excited, aligned. And that's when you'll take a breath and realize how simple life really gets to be.

Because peace and happiness doesn’t come after you've worked hard to tick the boxes.

They come when you stop ticking boxes that don’t even belong to you.


ILY 🤟💛
Adam xx