Another Glass Of Wine Isn't Self-Care, It's A Silent Scream

A scream for what exactly? Great question.

It's going to differ from human to human, but see if you can relate to any of these statements:

• You don't know how to (or find it difficult to!) relax without at least one glass of wine.

• Your social events almost always include alcohol.

• If you didn't have booze in your life, you don't know how you would cope.

• A weekend without booze is... Challenging? Pointless? "Huh? What's a weekend with alcohol?"

• You've secretly fantasized about a life without booze, but you're scared of giving it up.

• You tried Dry July and fell off by Day 9.

• You look at people who don't drink and you say... "But, why?"

• You've taken an extended period off drinking, but ended up returning to the same habits.

Before we dive in, let me tell you this isn't some shady guilt trip that invites you to go sober. I'm not the guy on a high horse that believes that you need to go to meetings and get yourself sober. No, I'm the guy who still drinks on occasion, but has actually addressed the core problems of my life that was causing me to need alcohol in my life. Am I perfect with this? Fuck no. I don't pretend to be, or desire to be. But I've been through what you've been through, and real enough to be straight with you. (No, sorry ladies, not in that way - I still prefer blokes!) 😜

So let me start where it's important. Booze + Me? We used to be besties. My ride or die. Drinking every night of the week = completely normal. Drinking to cope with stress? Like, duh! Drinking to deal with a shitty day? Of course! Drinking to celebrate that it's the end of the week? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY! And more on the weekend to let my hair down, be social and have fun? Sign me the fuck up.

I have been (and still am - even without booze!) the life of the life of the party. Yes, I can still throw it down if/when I want. It's just this kind of life, I hardly choose it anymore. I don't believe drinking is wrong, nor do I believe that you need to be completely abstinent from it. But I do believe in addressing the shit in your life that's causing you to need it.

Which then brings me back to where we started... Yet another bottle of wine isn't self-care, it's a silent scream. For what? Only you can answer that.

• Maybe you've got a high-stress job and you don't have any healthy-er ways of dealing with stress.

• Maybe you secretly hate your job and booze is the way you can find joy in each day.

• Maybe you're socially awkward and a few drinks help you relax so you can actually talk to people without having a mild-to-full-blown panic attack.

• Maybe a few cocktails is your secret sauce to let your hair down and actually be fun (because the version of you that's playing out Monday - Friday... well, he/she/they are so tightly put inside a box that is absent of who you really are).

• Maybe you're actually just scared of doing life without booze, so you keep saying yes to after-work-drinks because you haven't yet found other ways to have fun and be social.

• Maybe you're fucking lonely by yourself, and alcohol helps you silence the desire for a loving relationship, which of course you avoid because that means actually opening up your heart and, uh, letting someone in... (And you're so not ready for that!)

• Maybe your mind is running three different browsers, with ten tabs open on each, and you have no idea where the music is playing and if you remembered to send off that email to the... "OMG Wait! Why the fuck is he calling me again?". Yep, alcohol helps your mind settle that and give you some fucking peace.

• And maybe, just maybe you don't really like yourself all that much anymore, and alcohol brings out a version of you who is much more relaxed, more fun, more... likeable?

  
  

Can't you see? Your drinking 'problem'? Like, it's not even close to being a fucking problem when you actually look at why the fuck you're actually drinking.

And this, my beautiful friend. THIS is what you really get to address.

Because you don't have a drinking problem. You have a life problem and you've been ignoring it. And booze? It's just your way of coping. It's your way of numbing, silencing, escaping... Drinking gives you an opportunity to avoid dealing with the incessant noise in your mind, the emptiness in your heart, or the whispers of your soul that are calling out to you to change what you're doing in life (and how you're doing it). Maybe a combination of all three.

So like, when are you going to start addressing this?

Because the person that is losing out here is you. Each day you ignore your life problem, you're giving yourself permission to exist in a way that involves you putting on the mask of "I'm fine!", when deep down, you're quietly struggling and searching for ways to cope.

No amount of therapy can help you with this until you are willing to help yourself. No amount of self-help books, week long retreats, time-off from booze, weekend workshops (even another promotion!) will help. Decorate your life how you like. Buy another piece of artwork. Another car. Another overseas holiday. A new wardrobe. (Nothing wrong with any of this⎯ of course!) But without addressing your life problem, they will all just be another layer of "I'm fine!" to cover up what you've been suppressing. And I know this... How?

Because what I've written above? Every situation I've described? ME. Oh and there's so much more. And now? I can have a drink. And also just as easily not have a drink. I don't need booze in my life. I can go for months without it, and then have one beer and then nothing again for...? The point is, booze isn't a problem for me anymore because I've addressed (edit: and continue to address!) my life problems, and I've also created a life that is no longer dependent on booze.

I won't lie, it's been work. And I'm not fucking perfect. But, OMG it's been fucking worth it! My life now? Actually so fucking beautiful. Working on what matters to me in the way that I love. Beautiful humans in my life. Loving relationships. Hobbies that make me feel something beautiful (other than numb and hungover). My mental, emotional state are better than ever. Clear. No more anxiety. No more depression. No more forcing myself to get out of bed to face the day. Effective ways to cope (like, actually being super OK with expressing my emotions, and talking about my challenges). I'm even super comfortable in taking time out for myself and actually relaxing, without needing a glass of wine, a beer, a phone, a laptop, a book, an poolside holiday or something to do. I could go on...

And this journey I've described above and the way I did it? I wrote a book about it.

I've outlined what I've described above in greater detail, as well as revealed the four major areas that are important for anyone to focus upon if they want to starting changing their behaviour around alcohol, and actually get their life back on track i.e. dealing with the shit they've been ignoring.

It'll set you back forward a twenty, and you can get through this in an afternoon, or maybe even spaced out over the course of a week (depends on your speed-reading abilities, or lack thereof! 😝). And the best bit? Once you buy it, it'll be delivered to your inbox so you can start reading straight away.

It's called Win Back Your Weekend, and whilst it's semi-geared towards those that are having weekend benders, it's speaking to anyone who would like to change their behaviour around alcohol and/or drugs and get their life back on track.

Ready? Feeling the nudge? Even slightly scared?

Good, do it scared.
Grab it now. $20. (It's less than what you'd spend on that second bottle of wine/Friday night cocktail).